I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
