I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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