You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
