idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
