Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
