Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
