you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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