Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
