So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
