I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
