How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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