it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
