I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
