Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
