i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
