You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
