I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
