i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
