she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
