What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
