Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is Oprah even human
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize