I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize