okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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