I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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