ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
