My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
