I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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