Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
