What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
