I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
