swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
