Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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