I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
