If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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