direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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