Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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