did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
