apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
