I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
