The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
