You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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