I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
