Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
