At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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