i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
