I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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