Kiss
Puke
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
