He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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