just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
