Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
